Nourishing Training Opportunity for Care Providers

Care Providers: Nourish your mind this September in Hawaii while you add more skills for treating your clients with eating disorders. Carolyn Costin of Monte Nido is leading a Retreat for Professionals in the Eating Disorder & Body Image Field. See the attached flyer.

It will be a tough choice to attend this or the NEDA Conference here in Minneapolis, MN as these are at the same time.

Shame, Denial, Guilt and the media

So, as a parent of someone in eating disorder recovery how often are you feeling like you must have done something wrong in your parenting? How useful is that?

In interviewing a woman in eating disorder recovery for my book for families I learned some interesting lessons about parental Shame, Denial and Guilt. This woman works in the chemical dependency world as well as being in eating disorder recovery herself. She told me how surprised she was that a parent once told her how responsible she felt for giving her child the genes that may have contributed to the child's eating disorder. From the perspective of a chemical dependency professional she was shocked that this mom felt so much control over her child.

Is it control or is it love? A parent I know who has been through al-anon for her son's drug addiction told me that she learned this: Ask once, it's love. Ask twice, it's control. That's an eye opener for parents.

What if we as parents were to let go of feeling guilty or responsible for our children's eating disorders and let them do their recovery and just loved them? What would be available to us then?

This brings me to the media part of the title of today's post. What if we didn't do anything wrong and our kids got some twisted messages from the media that pulled the trigger of the gun that was loaded by their genes?

Take a look at the Dove campaign for real beauty video about the twisted messages the media is giving us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U

Take a deep breath and let go of the Shame, Denial and Guilt and spend the energy loving yourself and your child/husband/friend/co-worker/son/daughter in recovery.

Families who love someone in recovery

My new tentative book title is: Just tell her to stop; Real Stories, hope and help while loving someone in eating disorder recovery

As I am interviewing people for my book, both family members and those who are themselves in recovery I am hearing from those in recovery how important the support and ongoing love from their family and friends has been. Those who are still in the thick of it and those who are years out and living lives free of ED's grasp (many refer to their eating disorder as ED) all tell me that knowing how much someone or somepeople loved them and cared about them helped them keep fighting.

So many family members tell me how frustrated they are that there is seemingly nothing that they can do to help their loved one in recovery to "get better". I hope it helps to know that by simply telling your loved one how much you care and that you believe in them that it makes a difference. I know it may seem like a small thing but when I hear people say that they didn't take their own life (which they were seriously contemplating due to the pain) because they knew it would be so painful for someone who loved them, then it is clear that simply loving someone and letting them know how important they are in your life makes a difference.

In the meanwhile, when you aren't busy telling your loved one in eating disorders recovery how much you care about them...there are other things you can do to take care of yourself. I feel like a broken record sometimes but it is so essential when you care about someone with an addiction that you "put on your oxygen mask first." Whether you care about a person with an eating disorder, alcoholism, drug addiction or another addiction it is imperative to take care of yourself. So, my big tip for the day is: go check out some al-anon meetings. I know it might sound a bit crazy to go to one of those and listen to people talk about their loved one who drinks when you have a child/husband/friend/etc. with an eating disorder. But what do you have to lose but some sleepless nights and a whole lot of worrying. I'm planting this seed now and it may take a while to germinate in you but when you are feeling frustrated and hopeless, pull this crazy idea out of the back of your head and get yourself to an al-anon meeting and see what shows up. It might just give you incredible freedom or peace or joy or the permission to think about something fun instead of: "Will so and so ever get better?" I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to comment.

Hearing Joe Kelly - Dads and Daughters speak during National Eating Disorders Awareness week was a highlight. Check out his website and blogs:
http://blog.thedadman.com
http://thedadman.com/
http://www.dadsanddaughters.blogspot.com/

Eating Disorders Awareness Week Events

Are you looking for events to attend for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week?

TODAY - Thursday February 26th, 2009
At the St. Louis Park City Offices, MN
4pm - CST
Diann Ackerd, PhD, LP, FAED - A Licensed Psychologist in private practice, will be speaking on Prevention
Nancy Royce of the Search Institute will be speaking on Critical Thinking Skills

Friday, February 27th, 2009
Methodist Hospital, St. Louis Park, MN
HVC Room
6-8pm CST
Joe Kelly, Author and Parent, keynote speaker, Advocate for Girls
Becky Henry, Author and Parent - breakaway session - Perspectives on Reacting to your Childs Eating Disorders

Friday February 27th, 2009
NYC
Pace University
7pm EST

A quick reminder that the National Eating Disorders Association will be screening "Swept" as a part of their NEDAwareness Week on February 26th, 2009. The event will start at 7pm and will feature "Swept" and documentary entitled "Beauty Mark" which explores the descent and reemergence of a world class athlete from anorexia and exercise addiction. The screenings will be followed by a panel discussion lead by eating disorder expert Sondra Kronberg MS, RD, CDN. The event will be held at Pace University (1 Pace Plaza) in lower Manhattan (near City Hall).

If you are planning attend please RSVP to nyfilm@myneda.org. Attendees will need to clear security to enter the Pace Facility. NEDA will provide Pace with an RSVP guest list--which will facilitate faster entrance to the event. All guests are asked to bring a photo ID.

Thanks again,

Stephanie Schweitzer
sweptfilms@hotmail.com
(917) 847-6675
www.sweptfilms.com

Again, if you are looking for more events go to:
www.NationalEatingDisorders.org

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week – 2009

I’m back to the frozen tundra we like to call Minnesota after a week sojourn to warmer climes. Good for the soul and the frozen fingers to take some time to simply BE. As I am always telling my coaching clients, “You cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill yourself up.” I’m always reminded when I fly and those flight attendants tell us to “put your oxygen mask on first.” We must do that with ourselves always but especially when we have a loved one who is recovering from an eating disorder.

I’m so excited that it is once again NEDAW – National Eating Disorders Awareness Week! Each year this event raises more awareness and funding for life-saving programs that help people in their recovery.

There are numerous events taking place both Nationally and here in the Twin Cities. A simple google search “NEDA events” with your town or city will help you find some near you. I’ll be doing a family breakout session on perspectives for the family member at Methodist Hospital this Friday February 27th from 6-8pm. I’ll post more information prior to the event.

A special event should you be near NYC this week:

A quick reminder that the National Eating Disorders Association will be screening "Swept" as a part of their NEDAwareness Week on February 26th, 2009. The event will start at 7pm and will feature "Swept" and documentary entitled "Beauty Mark" which explores the descent and reemergence of a world class athlete from anorexia and exercise addiction. The screenings will be followed by a panel discussion lead by eating disorder expert Sondra Kronberg MS, RD, CDN. The event will be held at Pace University (1 Pace Plaza) in lower Manhattan (near City Hall).

If you are planning attend please RSVP to nyfilm@myneda.org. Attendees will need to clear security to enter the Pace Facility. NEDA will provide Pace with an RSVP guest list--which will facilitate faster entrance to the event. All guests are asked to bring a photo ID.
Thanks again,
Stephanie
www.sweptfilms.com
www.36-24-36nyc.com

Watch for more events and more NEDAW information this week!
Becky

Help for Families living with an Eating Disorder

If you are living with or care about someone who has an eating disorder, chances are you are worried about them. As a coach who helps the "Invisible People" affected by eating disorders, meaning the family, friends and co-workers I hear a lot of stories about the pain and stress that comes with not being able to help them. I'm always advocating for those of you to take care of yourselves so you can be the best support person.

Here is a workshop that might assist with re-energizing and de-stressing.

Saturday February 28th - 9:30- noon
Great River Healing Arts Center
2388 University Ave West
St. Paul, MN

$35
Led by Cindy Schultz, MA, LP
and
Stephanie Ross, MA
http://www.seekinnerwisdom.com
Cindy Schultz
cindy@seekinnerwisdom.com
612-701-5574

If you cannot attend but want more ideas for your own self care while your loved one is in recovery contact me.

Happy Valentines Month!

The month of LOVE. What a lot of people aren't realizing is that we need to first love ourselves and then loving others and accepting the love of others becomes much easier. I have noticed that a lot of people with eating disorders are very challenged in loving themselves. It's as if the eating disorder is this cruel best friend who says: you don't deserve love from anyone, not even from yourself! Yikes! How sad is that?

One trick to try and override this evil best friend can be to ask some people around you to give you some comments on what they think about you and even to ask: Please tell me how you love me because I'm not feeling very loveable right now. Then, and this is the trickiest part, ALLOW yourself to take in those loving comments. Even if you have to act "as if" you believe them. The people who are saying those wonderful things about you really mean them, it's just that the little evil friend doesn't want you to hear them because that will take away it's power.

Another trick in taking away some of that nasty eating disorder's power is to write a list of 10-30 things about yourself that are positive (get assistance if you need to) and then go look into a mirror and say all of those things to yourself. Yes, I'm serious. Daily even. Most people spend their days making negative comments to themselves, (noticing these is also a very effective tool) and if we can counter all the negative comments with the positive we will eventually start to feel better about ourselves.

During this month of love, even if you don't have a special someone, try loving yourself! Especially when you see all the crazy advertisements this time of the year for the New Years Resolution diets. Remember, diets don't work. Diets can contribute to eating disorders. So when you see those ads, remember to tell yourself you deserve better, you are an amazing person who deserves love.

Let me know if you try the exercises and if you find them helpful. Simple as they sound they could save your life. Eating disorders are the most deadly of all mental illnesses and need to be taken seriously. Loving yourself can be one tool in your belt to help fight it.

To love and life!