MN Eating Disorders Support

An open invite to eating disorders advocates in Minnesota/Wisconsin from Melrose Institute:
Be our guest on May 9^th at the Be You fundraising event to benefit Park Nicollet Melrose Institute. 
On May 9 from 5:00 - 7:45 p.m., we will host an evening of inspiration and creativity. Learn how Melrose programs help more than 1,500 people each year who are struggling with food and body image issues build healthy lives, bodies and heal.   The evening will showcase the creative arts and the healing process. 
A special part of the evening will be a performance of “To Eat” produced by Hippocrates Café, created by Jon Hallberg, MD. Through storytelling, poetry and song, we will explore our complicated relationships with food.

This free event is made possible by the Park Nicollet Foundation. Registration is required either online or by calling 952-993-5023.

Participants will be invited to make a charitable gift (no minimum or maximum required) and contributions will benefit Melrose Institute’s art and wellness programs, education and outreach presentations to schools and community organizations, research and patient and family care programs.  
The evening program is as follows:
5:00: Check-in, reception and program displays
5:45: Program
6:30: “To Eat” a special performance by Hippocrates Café

Park Nicollet Melrose Institute is located at 3525 Monterey Drive in St. Louis Park, MN  55416.  There is free parking in our lot and ramp.

Registration is required either online or by calling 952-993-5023.

Struggling with food and body image issues can be challenging.  Park Nicollet Melrose Institute is a specialty center that helps individuals heal from all types of eating problems.  A national leader, Melrose Institute has been providing high-quality expertise and comprehensive personalized care for more than 25 years.  
At Park Nicollet Foundation, we use philanthropy to enhance the patient and family experience, promote innovation and research, and respond to the health care needs of our community. 

Reasons For Recovery - Anne-Sophie Reinhardt's blog

Part of the blog series by different contributors - today is from Anne-Sophie Reinhardt who started this blog series.

Why should you even care to recover?

When the first thoughts of recovery started to occupy my mind back in late fall 2010, this questions was constantly going through my head. I still saw the life I led as too good to give up.
Why should I throw everything away, leave my husband for months and fight against this mysterious beast inside? Why should I give up a body that was so unnoticeable and therefor tolerable in order to gain weight and loathe myself even more?
Why should I change anything if life would always be sad and bleak? I could just go on like this and pretend that I am fine. I was still functioning and I would certainly know when to stop.

Eating disorders might kill others, but my anorexia would never kill me.

Knowing what I know now, I am terrified by these deceptive thoughts that are so horribly dangerous. Had I continued a few months longer on this path of self-destruction, I would have lost my life. I was in a state of confusion, sadness, emptiness and carelessness. My perception of reality was completely distorted.
I am glad I woke up just enough to start the process of healing before a disaster might have occurred.

When you recover, you give up a lot of things. You feel like you lose your life, everything you knew or thought you knew about yourself. But the truth is, you don’t.
You leave behind all the negativity that has surrounded you for so many years, in my case more than a decade. You give up destructive patterns and life-threatening behaviors and you transform yourself in ways you could have never imagined before.
I know that when you are in the midst of your eating disorder, you feel like nothing makes sense, life is just a series of horrible days, everything seems grey, bleak and hollow. You are, to put it mildly, in hell.
It is hard to imagine anything other than this. It is almost impossible to believe that life can be colorful, that feelings don’t have to hurt, that being healthy is not an unachievable goal, reserved for other, luckier people.
When friends, therapists or nutritionists tell you that your life can turn around, they lie, right? When they want to help you, they actually just want to hurt you. When they share their concern, they just want to make you feel inferior. When they tell you you need to gain weight in order to survive, they only want to fatten you like an animal.
Oh, how I know these thoughts, and how wrong they are. So utterly, utterly wrong. 
I wish I had learned sooner that the people around me truly loved me and that they were incredibly scared of this disease that had captured me. I wish I could have cared. I wish I could have seen how rich life could be and how precious every moment is. I wish I could have opened my eyes and my heart to all the beauty surrounding me.

But now, one year into recovery, I have lifted my point of view and what I see is bombastic.

Today I see what everybody around me had been talking about for so long. I feel the vibrant lust for life that others experience and I am, for the first time ever, thrilled and grateful to be alive. 
Working on myself and letting go off my eating disorder has completely changed every single aspect of my existence.
I feel the hope and the opportunity that each day embodies. I wake up full of energy, excited about the possibilities of the day. I am no longer the bundle of weakness I was a year ago, but full of energy and drive.
I can be spontaneous and make plans without them interfering with my ridiculous workout routine. I am able to drink a cup of my beloved Mocha at Starbucks without my eating disorder reprimanding me or calculating how long I’d have to slave away at the gym in order to burn the calories I consumed.
I am able to enjoy simply sitting on the couch with my husband, cuddling up to him while watching a movie. I love talking to a friend without having a guilty conscience that I am not exercising.

I appreciate my husband giving me a delicious chocolate mini cake for Valentine’s Day without freaking out about the calories and I enjoy every single bite while eating it. 

I learned that I am not just a hollow shell, but I have potential and I have so much love to give. 
I can be creative again using the space in my mind that used to be taken up by my eating disorder. I started to crawl out of my shell and actually learn to have self-confidence. I started to believe in myself and in the work I do and therefor have been more efficient and productive than ever before. I can even say that I am proud of myself without feeling ashamed.
I feel deeply, intimately and madly in love with myself and my body; a body with curves, imperfections and flaws, but so unique and forever mine. By learning to love the person that I am, I was also able to begin to love my husband on an infinitely deeper level. I am now a much better wife and lover.
I now notice the beauty in so many things that used to mean nothing to me. My taste buds have been in a state of ecstasy in the last year because of all the different, new kinds of food they were allowed to experience.
I learned to express anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, agony or even joy without binging and purging. I don’t feel bad about feeling good about myself. I am no longer paralyzed by fear. I learned to confront it and practiced kicking it in the butt by doing it over and over again.
Problems don’t seem to be unresolvable anymore, they simply are challenges that can be mastered and that provide me with a chance to grow as a person.
Recovery teaches you many things, not only the art of eating regularly. When you recover, you learn life-changing skills that help you in all aspects of your life.

But the most important thing you learn when you heal is to take care of yourself and to rescue yourself from a fate threatening to take your life. 

Today, my life is anything but hellish and this can be true for you too. And that is exactly why you should care to recover.

Reasons For Recovery

 I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the month of February. The theme is: Reasons For Recovery. Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia asked several of us advocates to blog about the topic.  I'll be sharing mine on Feb 24th.  In the meantime I'm trying to post all of the other blog posts on Reasons For Recovery.

The first is from Abby Cooper who blogs at "A Piece of Me" 

February 1, 2012

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Something You Get When You Recover From Your Eating Disorder That You Didn’t Even Know You Wanted

Feelings.
When I was early in my recovery, feeling my own feelings wasn’t easy-or even desirable. I had internalized a false message that my natural sensitivities made me weak, and therefore they were less worthy. I felt like who I was was not acceptable. Because of beliefs like these, my eating disorder had developed to an intensity that I was no longer receptive to the world like I had been before.
I had gotten to the point in my disorder that before I even could recognize a specific emotion, I had an urge to use my eating disorder behaviors. I didn’t think I was emotional anymore. Those ED urges replaced “excited,” “sad,” “longing,” “desire,” “comfort” and left me with only my eating disorder. The eating disorder felt preferable-it felt less painful. I was less of a mess, less sappy, less all over the place. Of course my life was a big mess in a whole different way, but: I was more numb. It felt easier.
I never intended to numb myself out to my entire life, however. Recognizing, feeling, and valuing your feelings is both a necessary step in recovery and a wonderful part of living. One thing I’ve learned to appreciate in recovery, that I would have never appreciated if I had never had an eating disorder is this:
You can’t feel the best feelings without allowing yourself to feel and tolerate the most painful and uncomfortable ones.
Yes, it’s true that the eating disorder behaviors cushion the intensity of the feelings you don’t want. But they also mute the ones you do. It strips you of your vitality and humanity. You can’t pick which ones you can experience fully. So you have to let go and let them all in. This seems scary to someone with an eating disorder. But the way to do it is to ease in: notice, allow, don’t judge. You’ll notice the more obvious feelings first, and the more practice you get, the finer ones will slip through. It becomes a game of sorts-“I don’t know what I’m feeling” turns into “I’m sleepy!” or “I’m hungry!” or “I’m hyper!” or “I’m lonely” or “I need to create something.” You get better at feeling.
And it’s awesome.
Yesterday, I woke up lonely. I felt a bit mopey and not interested in any of my usual solitary activities, like reading or drawing or goofing around on my piano. I felt sad. And I didn’t do anything to STOP that feeling. I allowed myself to feel sad. I called my brother, we talked about it, and then we joked around a bit. The feeling didn’t stop me from having a nice moment with him. Then, around mid afternoon, a friend called and invited me over. ELATED! was the next feeling I felt. I felt it just as much as I had felt lonely. I decided to get outside before I went over to her house to boost my mood, and move around a bit. I really FELT the sunshine and the brisk air, and I really FELT my body move as I got some movement in. When I drove to my friend’s house, I played music, and really FELT that music, and let it put me in a better mood. And when I arrived at my friend’s house, we had an awesome time just hanging out. I drove home that night feeling connected, loved, grateful, and warm.
I got all of those things in one day. And it was perfect.
I could have never had that day if I still used my eating disorder.
So, am I sensitive?
Yes.
Do I feel a lot of things?
Yes.
More so than other people?
Probably.
Is that weakness?
No.
It’s strength, because I know what I had to work through to be able to get here and accept and embrace this part of myself. Those feelings allow me to be in relationship and connect to life.
Not only is connectivity to your feelings possibly the biggest reason to recover, it’s one of the biggest and best reasons to be alive.

 fightinganorexia.com

Love the Life You Lead

Coach Melinda Abrams asked me to be a part of the Love the Life You Lead 2012 blog series.

You can find the Facebook page at Love The Life You Lead Facebook Page

14 Days. 11 Expert Coaches. Loving the life you lead.

Becky Henry/ Theme: Forgiveness

Question: How do I forgive myself for not being able to help my daughter recover from an eating disorder?  What is the VALUE in forgiving myself?

Forgiveness is an act of love—towards ourselves. While it may seem a selfish endeavor it is actually a generous gift, to our own life, peace, joy, happiness and those around us. There is great value in spending the time asking powerful questions, asking for help, admitting we felt powerless, and taking the steps to learn how to forgive.

Loving someone who is seriously ill and not being able to "save" or "fix" them can lead to a host of negative emotions. It can lead us to become a lifetime "victim" who no longer loves life and embraces fun.

Seeing that we don't have that kind of power can actually be freeing and can give us the wings we need to fly away from the burden of being a victim.  Then and only then, we can live a joyful live despite our history. 

Becky Henry

Founder and President, Hope Network, LLC